Rekindle Sexual Desire in Your Relationship

 Hey there. 🙂

Have you been with your partner for a while and want to know how to rekindle sexual desire in your relationship? 

I'll give you a tip – it has less to do with figuring out or adding fancy new (often unrealistic) positions and more with working your brain.
At the beginning of every relationship, it's all to do with fireworks and lightning – as soon as you touch each other, your appetite for sex renews. Yet gradually and subtly (unless proactively nurtured by both partners), these intense feelings of sexual desire tend to pitter-patter away. 

What remains is a deep bond with lots of emotional intimacy and a sense of safety and attachment. 

It's easy to take this stage of your relationship as a sign that something's off; you've fallen out of love, or perhaps you're not meant to be. I want you to know there's nothing wrong with your relationship just because you'd rather Netflix and chill than have sex. It means you're comfortable with your partner and still find them attractive, yet you don't necessarily have the oomph you once had when you first began dating. 

One of the main ways to bring your sex drive and sex life back to va-va-voom is to understand the link between sexual desire and your brain. 

Your Brain is Wired to Think of Sex as Good or Not Good.

If your sex drive has been non-existent for years, you'll want to determine what your brain thinks about sex.

Part of how much we want sex is how our brains react to sexual signals. 

Your brain is wired to be more or less interested in sex, depending on the signals it receives. For example, some brains think sex is a fantastic idea most of the time, whereas others perceive sex as not exciting or even an obstacle.

How your brain responds to sexual signals has to do with many things. Once you understand what your brain is reacting to positively or negatively, you can experience that extraordinary intimacy again with your partner. 

Understand Your Brain to Awaken Sexual Desire

Depending on how your brain reacts to sexual signals – the path to getting your sex drive back will differ. For example, if you have a brain that thinks having sex often is an excellent idea, new positions, rooms, sexual adventures, and exciting sex toys might be all you need to get the spark going.

On the other hand, as an example, if you have a challenge becoming naturally lubricated, getting an erection, keeping an erection, enjoying an orgasm, or climaxing too quickly, your brain will think of sex as an obstacle or possibly a waste of time.

By not performing as you think you should during sex, whether a man or woman, you might feel like you're letting your partner down, and this causes your brain to view sex as a not-so-great experience for you. Over time, this pattern is reinforced – every time you have sex and worry about if you're getting an erection or if you'll climax, your brain relearns that sex isn't pleasurable, leading you to develop low libido. 

This is why it's essential to understand what potential sexual obstacle your brain is picking up on.  

Here's a simple guide to begin to unblock your sexual desire.

The Four Steps

Go through each example sexual desire obstacle listed below; answer yes or no if it applies to you. For each statement that's a yes, – rate how intense the obstacle is towards your desire from 1-10.  
For example, if you're experiencing substantial stress, you might rate stress as 8/10. 
Once you rate the intensity of the obstacle, rate how much you think it impacts your sexual desire. 
For example, if you believe your stress level affects your sexual desire, you might rate it 9/10. On the other hand, if stress doesn't impact your sex drive, you might rate it 0/10. 
Now, multiply both intensity and impact to get a score of 0-100. 
For example, stress intensity (8) x impact on sexual desire (9) = 72.

When calculating intensity and impact, you'll have scores ranging between 0-100. 
The highest scores are likely valued as sexual obstacles by your brain. You'll want to work on these by eliminating them or making them easier to deal with daily so you can begin to feel that passion again in your relationship. 

Examples of Sexual Desire Obstacles. 

You're experiencing stress and can't turn your mind off. 

You're exhausted. 

You've become disconnected from what turns you on.

You feel like sex has to be done quickly and can't be enjoyed. 
You feel unsexy or ashamed of your body. 
Your partner always wants sex.

You feel you can't talk about your sex likes and dislikes. 
You feel like something's wrong with you for not wanting sex more. 
You grew up in an environment where sex was taboo.

Final Thoughts

Remember, getting the sexual spark back has more to do with getting your brain on board. Your brain is more or less inclined to want sex, depending on how you're wired. Once you know more about how your brain reacts to various factors, situations, and stimuli, you're more likely to tamp down the negative around sex and create that lusty, passionate sexual feeling again – no matter how long you've been together.  

Thanks for reading; I hope you leave with insights into rekindling sexual desire within your relationship. Remember, you and your partner may have different sex obstacles, yet if you want to work together, you can gain a satisfying sex life that suits your passions, needs, wants, and desires minus the struggle. 

It's about having open and honest conversations and communications around what you both require to be sexually happy and satisfied with each other.

I'd love to hear from you by a comment or an email.

-Shannon Marie


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